The two faces of the mother: one that nourishes, the loving and hospitable mother, and the other that devours!

It sounds simple, even clichéd, but there's one crucial point that almost no one recognizes. Ignoring it can leave you trapped in a cycle of self-sabotage, neediness, anxiety, and even psychosomatic illness. The influence of the mother extends far beyond childhood. It shows how this figure shapes not only our personality, but also our relationship to the world, to others, and, most importantly, to ourselves. Have you ever felt stuck in life, stuck in a rut despite trying everything? Seeing not just your mother, but your entire history will change you.

The Mother

Beginning with our first moment of life, even before we know what the world is, we already sense her presence. The mother—not just as the woman who gave birth to us, but as the first great psychic force that shapes our experience of reality. The mother represents an archetype, a kind of universal form that inhabits the collective unconscious.

In other words, we are not only dealing with our biological mother, but with everything she symbolically represents: nourishment, protection, upbringing, but also control, fear, abandonment, and shadow. This ambiguity is essential, because the same figure who cares for them can also suffocate, the same one who welcomes them can imprison them. And at this point, many wounds begin to emerge, even if they are imperceptible in childhood.

The mother's gaze is the mirror

in which the child learns to see itself. If this mirror reflects approval, security, and unconditional love, the child grows up with a sense of belonging and value. However, if this reflex is distorted, missing, or overly demanded, the child develops wounds that extend into adulthood in more subtle ways: fear of rejection, low self-esteem, a constant need for validation, difficulty asserting oneself or trusting oneself. And the most frightening thing is that we often don't even notice them. We simply sense that something is wrong, that something is holding us back like an invisible chain.

We sabotage ourselves at crucial moments, choose partners who repeat familial patterns, flee from intimacy, or become emotionally dependent without understanding why. This all happens because we fail to integrate this archetype of the mother within ourselves.

The Image of Our Mother

In other words, the image we have of our mother lives outside of us and controls us unconsciously. As long as this figure remains external, she is filled with worries, idealizations, or frustrations. We will continue to be hostages to her influence. This doesn't mean it's the mother's fault, let alone that you should confront it, condemn her, or run away from her. Carl Jung would never point the finger at her in this sense. What he proposes is something much more liberating: bringing the image of the mother into consciousness, considering this figure with maturity and compassion, but also with clarity. To see our mother as a human being with her own pain, limitations, and unresolved stories, and no longer as an idealized deity or villain responsible for all our problems.

This process requires courage, because often recognizing our mother's mistakes touches on pain we've been avoiding our entire lives. It opens wounds that have lain dormant but have never stopped affecting us. Only then is it possible to truly grow. Only in this way can we become complete adults, capable of self-responsibility, loving freely, and building our own identity, free from familial expectations and projections.

The Healing Journey

The healing journey begins when we stop waiting for our mother to give us something she perhaps never could because she never received it herself.

And at this point, the transformation begins, because when the mother figure ceases to be a ghost from the past and becomes an integrated image, she ceases to control us. However, for this to happen, it is necessary to understand what it means in practice to integrate this archetype and, moreover, to recognize the signs that we are still trapped in the mother's shadow without even realizing it.

Now, you may be living in your mother's shadow without even realizing it, not because she meant to harm you or because you don't love her, but because the unconscious influence she has on your life has not yet been recognized, and everything that is not recognized controls you.

The Two Faces of the Mother

Jung explained that the maternal archetype has two faces: one that nurtures the loving and hospitable mother, and the other that devours her.

But also the mother who suffocates, manipulates, and projects her fears and frustrations onto her child. If this maternal shadow isn't seen, it remains active within us, and even as adults, we carry the burden of unfulfilled expectations, poorly healed wounds, and inexplicable behavior in our psyche.

Perhaps you find it difficult to make decisions on your own. It always seeks the approval of others, especially women or authority figures. Or perhaps you feel guilty for leaving, for wanting to be different, for not living up to expectations, as if every step toward its freedom is a silent betrayal. These feelings usually stem not from the present, but from an emotional past that was never understood, and until this is brought to light, we repeat cycles.

We enter into relationships that make us feel small. We attract people who control us. We feel constantly exhausted from trying to be perfect, nice, and always too good. Another common sign is the feeling of emptiness, even when everything seems to be going well. In life, you can have good friends, even a stable relationship, but something inside you remains incomplete. It's as if there's an absence that nothing fills. Often, this absence is the symbolic reflection of an emotional need that wasn't met at the time: to be seen, accepted, and validated for who you really are, not who you were meant to be when you were young.

Integrating the Maternal Shadow

It is said that integrating the maternal shadow is fundamental to the flourishing of true individuality. This means honestly examining everything the maternal figure represents—love, yes, but also pain.

It's not about looking for someone to blame, but about understanding the deep mechanisms that have shaped the way you feel, react, and protect yourself in the world. Sometimes healing begins simply with allowing yourself to feel anger or grief for your mother without guilt.

Recognize that there were failings, that there was an excess or absence, and that this had an impact. Acknowledging these emotions is the first step in freeing yourself from the invisible prison they create. Because while you suppress what you feel, the pain becomes standard, but when you look at it with awareness, it begins to dissolve, and this process is liberating.

You begin to realize that you no longer have to repeat the same stories, that you can make your own decisions and forge new paths, that you can relate in healthier ways without carrying the emotional baggage of an unresolved childhood.

The Shadow of the Mother

The shadow of the mother only loses its power when it is illuminated. When we stop acting instinctively and begin to react consciously. When, in adulthood, we stop searching for what we lacked and begin giving ourselves what we never received, a new phase begins—a phase in which we cease to be a reflection of pain and become the author of our own story. For this to truly happen, however, we must understand how this process of individuation, which Jung spoke so much about, works. It's not enough to simply recognize the patterns; we must also traverse them, transform them, and ultimately transcend them.

Individuation

We'll discuss this traversal and how it can change everything next. Jung called this process of liberation from the maternal shadow individuation—a word that may sound technical at first glance, but actually describes a deeply human journey to become who you are, beyond masks, conditioning, and inherited expectations. It is the path to wholeness. Reconnection with your most authentic being.

But beware, this path is neither straightforward nor comfortable; on the contrary, it requires confronting everything that has been suppressed or distorted within you.

It's a process of freeing yourself from the stories you've been told and learned to believe about how you should be to deserve love. Growing up under the unconscious influence of the maternal figure, we often develop personality versions of ourselves created to please, avoid conflict, or ensure acceptance: the good daughter, the strong son, the child who never complains.

Recognizing the Projections

These identities become armor, and according to Jung, individuation is precisely the act of shedding these armors one by one until only the true remains. This process inevitably involves recognizing the projections, because while we are unaware of the influence of the mother figure, we continue to project it onto other people: our partner, our boss, our friend, our therapist. We expect from these people what we deeply want from our mother: attention, validation, unconditional affection, and protection.

The big turning point comes when you begin to reciprocate these projections, when you stop waiting for the other person to save you, understand you perfectly, or heal your wounds. And that doesn't mean becoming cold or distant, but taking responsibility for your own inner world, to become the adult who cares for the wounded child that still lives within you.

Individuation is therefore a return to oneself, a reunion with parts of the soul that were hidden by fear, shame, or guilt. And this reunion is only possible when we stop seeing the mother as the origin of everything, whether as a source of pain or as an ideal of perfection, and begin to see her as the starting point. She gave us life, yes, but what we do with that life is what really matters. This process of psychic maturation doesn't happen overnight. It requires silence, inner listening, the courage to feel what has always been avoided, and above all, it requires compassion.

The Mother Figure - Idol Worship or Resentment

Because by integrating the mother figure within yourself, you also begin to view her with more humanity—not as the woman who failed, but as someone who was also a child, who had her own pain and dark sides.

And this view, free from idol worship or resentment, is what ultimately sets you free. It sets you free to love without fear, to create without repeating yourself, to live without carrying burdens that are not your own. And that's where true transformation begins, when you stop being an extension of your mother's story and begin writing your own. Jung believed that healing doesn't happen by trying to erase the past, but rather by illuminating the parts of it that are still at work in the present.

In doing so, you regain the freedom to choose: what you keep, what you transform, what you leave behind, and, most importantly, who you want to be from now on. But the question remains: How can you put this into practice? How do you know if you've already begun this process of individuation or if you're still trapped in the unconscious image of the mother, and which steps can truly help you progress on this journey? Understanding is the first step, but experiencing this transformation in practice truly changes everything. Understanding is necessary, but acting from this understanding brings true transformation.

Journey of Individuation

The journey of individuation described by Jung consists not only of intellectual perceptions. It takes place in everyday life through silent decisions, in small breaks with old patterns, and, above all, in the development of new relationships with oneself and the world. So, how can one free oneself in practice from the unconscious influence of the mother figure? The first step is to observe one's own emotional triggers—which situations easily destabilize one, which people touch old wounds.

Often, the most intense reactions, such as excessive anger, sudden sadness, or a feeling of abandonment, relate not to the present but to the unresolved past. These emotions are often directly linked to dynamics learned from one's mother in childhood. The second step is to create an inner space for listening.

Meditation - Echo of the Internalized Mother Figure

This means cultivating moments of self-observation, whether through writing, meditation, or therapy, in which you can identify the internal dialogues you have—that critical voice that calls you inadequate, that demands perfection, that says, "You can't make mistakes." It's often an echo of the internalized mother figure. The point isn't to fight this voice, but to recognize it and gradually replace it with a more mature and compassionate voice—a voice that welcomes, that affirms, that guides with love, like the mother you may not have, but that you can now be for yourself.

Another important point is to question invisible loyalties. Many people, without realizing it, live restricted by silent emotional bonds with their mother, as if choosing a different path were an act of disloyalty. This manifests itself when you feel guilty about growing up and being happy where your mother was unhappy, as if her happiness were some kind of betrayal. Removing this doesn't mean rejecting your mother.

Your Own Story

It's about recognizing that you have the right and the responsibility to live your own story. That honoring your origins doesn't mean repeating your pain, but overcoming it. It's also important to examine the relationship patterns you attract. If you repeatedly engage with people who are controlling, cold, overly needy, or demanding, you may be repeating the emotional dynamics you had with the mother figure.

Recognizing this pattern is the beginning of healing. Change requires awareness, clear boundaries, and sometimes even a period of solitude to listen to yourself before attempting to reintegrate into the outside world. Another practical exercise is symbolic visualization. Imagine yourself standing before your mother, whether she's still alive or not, and symbolically give her everything that isn't yours: guilt, expectations, fears, demands. Be grateful for life. Recognize what you've been able to receive, but do your part. When done sincerely, this exercise has a profound effect on the subconscious and can create space for a new perception.

Self-Acceptance

About yourself, and above all, about self-acceptance, which is the foundation of everything. Stop waiting for someone to come and fill the emptiness left behind. Learn to give yourself what you were missing: presence, kindness, care. It doesn't happen overnight, but with every conscious decision, in every moment in which you choose not to give up on yourself, this is the most powerful practice of individuation to become whole inside, even if fragments still remain in the healing process.

For when you become the source of your own love, your security and worth, the image of the mother, is revived. It ceases to be an unconscious burden and simply becomes what it is: a part of your story, no longer the finished script. And it is at this point that a fundamental question arises: What happens when we finally free ourselves from this influence? What changes in our lives, in our relationships, and in the way we see the world? We will understand this below when the unconscious influence of the mother figure is finally understood, elaborated, and re-venerated.

Influence of the Mother Figure

Something begins to change in a very subtle yet profoundly powerful way. It is as if the burden of the soul gradually falls away. Decisions become easier, relationships more authentic, and the view of oneself more loving and holistic. For the truth is: As long as we are under the sway of the unintegrated mother image, we live as if we are always in debt, as if there is an emotional debt that will never be paid.

But as we go through this process, this feeling gives way to a freedom that only those who have experienced this transition themselves can understand. You begin to realize that you can choose without guilt, that you can be different from your mother without rejecting her, that you can love without repeating yourself, that you can build something new without fear of breaking with the old.

And this strength doesn't come from arrogance, but from reconnecting with one's own essence. This transformation is reflected in all areas of life. In relationships, you stop looking for someone to fill a void and begin to open up. In healthier relationships based on presence, reciprocity, and respect in the workplace, you gain the courage to express your authenticity instead of following paths that only serve to fulfill external expectations.

Even health changes, symptoms caused by the accumulation of repressed emotions, can begin to disappear, as if the body finally feels heard.

Liberation from the Shadow of the Mother

is, above all, a process of reintegration into the self. When you understand that you are no longer the child who needs to shape itself in order to be loved, something very precious awakens within you: a sense of self-worth, and from then on, life begins to unfold differently. Insecurities remain. Of course, the pain doesn't magically disappear, but now there is a more solid inner center. They don't let themselves fall with the same ease in the face of adversity, and when they tear themselves apart, because that still happens, they already know how to retreat, how to welcome themselves, and how to rebuild themselves.

Compassion

This is emotional maturity. This is individuation. Another powerful effect of this transformation is the compassion that arises not only toward their mother, but also toward the other women in their lives: grandmothers, aunts, sisters, and friends. You begin to see them beyond roles, beyond judgment. You begin to realize that everyone, in some way, is trying to deal with their own shadows, their own emptiness, their own stories. And that's exactly how the cycle of pain begins to break.

By healing the inner relationship with the mother archetype, you also heal generations, because they don't pass on what they have received. You stop repeating what you have hurt without question. You stop silencing what needed to be said and create space for a new, more conscious, freer, and more loving existence. And perhaps this is one of the greatest contributions of Jung's thought. He shows us that we are not bound by what we have been given, that we are part of a story, yes, but also its creators. And by courageously looking at what hurts, we can find the gateway to our greatest strength right there.

Transformative Vision

After all of this, perhaps one essential question remains: How can all of this be brought together into a practical and transformative vision? How can one consciously take the next steps without getting lost in old patterns, and how can one ultimately complete this journey with ease and wisdom? This is precisely what we will explore in the final part. Ultimately, the journey to free oneself from the unconscious influence of the mother is not about severing ties or erasing the source.

It is primarily about recognizing the influence this figure has had and continues to have within oneself and deciding what to do with it from now on. Along this path, you have seen how the maternal archetype silently operates in our behavior, emotions, and decisions. She understood that the shadow of the mother manifests not only in our direct relationship with her, but also in the projections we make in our unconscious loyalties and in the inner voices that dictate rules we never question.

He saw that liberation comes not through rejection, but through integration—not through denial of pain, but through consciously living through it. And becoming whole means embracing every part of yourself, including those that arose from a lack of pain and the unspoken. When you stop running from those parts and begin listening to them with presence, they stop screaming.

Your Voice

And in the silence that follows, you can hear something new: your own voice. This voice may have been buried for years under layers of expectations, demanding repetition, but it was always there and now, at the end of this journey, is gaining space. It is the voice of the true self of the conscious adult who looks back with respect but moves forward autonomously.

What an honor that she had a mother, but chooses to live the life she wants to lead. The healing proposed by Jung is neither quick nor linear. It is a process that requires courage, presence, and consistency. But the reward is immeasurable, because when you integrate the mother figure within yourself, you not only reconcile yourself with the past, you free yourself to live the present with more truth.

You begin to make choices that are more in tune with your essence, to build healthier relationships, without so much fear of abandonment or the need for recognition. You begin to see yourself with more compassion, to allow yourself to make mistakes, to change your mind, to start anew, and above all, to feel at peace with yourself. This journey doesn't end here; it has only just begun, but you now carry within you tools, reflections, and, above all, awareness, and with awareness, everything transforms. Because ultimately, you will never heal until you understand this with your mother. But when you understand something within yourself, you finally free yourself, and in that space, true healing begins.